Friday, July 29, 2011

Security Porch Cat

My cat killed a cucumber today!

Earlier in the spring I did a couple of postings about a design plan for the courtyard and the Dining Porch.  I’m still working on the courtyard plan.  I’m about 80% sure I know what I want to do.  But, since it’s going to cost a fortune and I don’t have an extra fortune lying around, I’m in no hurry to share with you.  I won’t be starting that project anytime soon.  But, I have made some progress on the Dining Porch.  Actually, it’s turning out to be more of a lounging porch. Though it’s not going to be for dining, The Dining Porch is what it was titled on the architect’s plan, so that’s what it will always be called.  The drapes are up, rug, table and chairs in place and I have a super cool design idea for the walls.  That’s the only part I haven’t completed.  As soon as I get that done, I’ll share in more detail.

I’ve mentioned Bandit the Obnoxious Cat in a few previous postings; usually because he inserts himself in the projects I’m working on.  Not because I’m particularly interested in talking about him. Example being, he has yet to get all the white paint off his little cat body when he decided to help me paint the garden shed last weekend.  

I don’t make a habit of writing post about yard cats, especially this one since he’s generally worthless.  It’s too damn hot to do many chores or projects and I don’t like to clean the house, which I doubt you would really care to hear about anyway.  So, I’m running low on farm blog material these days. 

Here's the Dining Porch before I started.  Yes, that's a cat
sitting in the shadow between the door and the paint cans!
As I’ve said before Bandit’s here to be a farm mouser.  This task is hard for him since I’ve also noted he has a tendency to not leave the porch.  And, clearly Bandit thinks the new Dining Porch is for his sole comfort and use.  For him to catch a mouse, the mouse would have to jump up on the porch and dance around him.  Then I’d still put my money on the mouse to win.  C seems to think Bandit’s lack of mouse catching ability is because he was abandoned and I got him at an early age so he didn’t have any female influence to show him how to hunt.  Or it could be that he’s more like me than I want to admit including a big lazy streak.  But, I think he’s just stupid.

I went outside my comfort zone and used
blue sunbrella drapes.  That's a big deal
since my idea of color is grey, black or
Actually, I may be slightly off base on this matter.  Bandit does leave the porch.  We have porches on all sides of the house, but he seems to like the back Dining Porch and the wrap-around-porch on the side of the house the best.  When it’s really hot he goes under the porch.  The wrap-around-porch borders the far end of the kitchen and the Dining Porch is along the back of the kitchen and the courtyard. When either of us is in the kitchen Bandit sits on the porch and stares in the door.  As I walk from one side of the kitchen to the other he runs from porch to porch.  This means he has to jump the six foot courtyard wall, clear a rose bush hedge and maneuver the porch railings.  So for a cat that does nothing, he gets plenty of exercise!  This explains why he stays so trim, that and the fact that he doesn’t snack between meals, because he can’t catch any fucking thing!

2 views of the wrap-around-side porch

So technically speaking Bandit does occassionally leave the porch.  His feet touch the ground as he runs from the dining porch to the side porch or under the porch to sleep in the shade. 

But things seem to be changing.  Now as he approaches his first birthday, he just may be turning into a mighty hunter.

He now leaves the porches to follow me out to the vegetable garden.  No matter how fast I walk he runs between and around my feet, I stumble, kick him out of the way and he just comes back for more.  Once in the garden he finds a comfortable little spot, like a soft pine-straw mulched area next to an heirloom tomato plant where he mauls an invisible rat.  He paws the ground, throws around the pine straw and pounces in the air several times, landing on and no doubt killing his invisible prey.  Then he looks over at me to make sure I saw him.  I can tell what he’s thinking, “Did you see that dude?  I fucking destroyed that invisible rat.  If it wasn’t for me, you’d probably be rat bait right now!”

If I’m in the garden long enough, he sometimes manages to find and dissect a lizard.  I have a feeling the doomed lizard was sleeping in the sun and never saw Bandit approaching or it was so arthritic that it was just laying there peacefully waiting to die and about to draw it’s last breath when Bandit snatched it up.

We’ve had a good garden this season.  All the work done in the spring has really paid off and the fresh organic vegetables have been plentiful.  So much at times that a few things have stayed on the vines.  C planted a type of small cucumber this year.  If left on the vine one day too long they go from cute baby cucumber to something that resembles a tennis ball, especially if it’s rained.

This morning I stepped out the back door onto the porch and was startled to see a dead cucumber strategically placed on my black Greek Key outdoor rug.  It had been completely and effectively mauled by what was no doubt the mouth of an attack cat.  I guess finding a mutilated cucumber on my door step is better than half a mouse or the ears, tail and foot of a squirrel as an offering from an admiring feline. 

And, here I though Bandit was worthless.  He is smart enough to understand that the abundance of over plump baby cucumbers might detach from their vines and hurl themselves at me en mass as I stroll through the garden one evening.  Considering I’d have a glass of wine in my hand and not see them coming I could be severely injured.  Bandit is just looking after my well being.  Oh, and I forgot – two days ago I saw him catch and eat a three-legged cricket!  Yes, he’s is quite the porch security cat.


  1. steve maybe onto something there.

    although i am an animal lover, blog stories of pets usually bore me. i don't know why. but not this story. mostly b/c you use the f word.

    bandit sounds like every cat i've ever owned. and it makes me want to get a cat. but i probably won't.

    have a nice weekend.

  2. actually i think bandit is quite brilliant.........

    love the partial reveal. can you share where you found the greek key oudoor rug?

  3. him is bad and hims needs to be spanked.

  4. I love Bandit- I think he is one "smat" kitty (as they say in these parts;) Maybe he wants you to make him a salad?!


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