Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Plastic Fantastic

I just got back from a business trip to Las Vegas.  Yes, I know those words; business and Vegas don’t always go together.  But, it really was a business trip. 

I’m not one of those people who regularly go to Vegas (which I do about once a year – on business) and bitch about how awful it is.  I actually like Vegas.  I mean really, where else can you go and gamble and walk the streets with a cocktail, other than New Orleans, another one of my favorites.  (Which reminds me I need to plan a trip there, it’s been far too long!)

Plus, Vegas has lots of hookers.  Not that I’m the least bit interested in hookers, but you have to admit, throwing a couple of hookers into any situation always adds to the excitement – usually.

I had wanted to stay at the new Cosmopolitan Hotel and Casino, but it was too expensive so we splurged just a little and settled for Caesars.  

I know that this post and especially the Cosmopolitan are nowhere close to the concept and point of view of this blog, so bear with me.  I have to rant about design for a minute.

I take Vegas for what it is – over the top tacky.  Sometimes it’s difficult for me to focus on the insane amount of plastic fantastic which makes up the city and especially The Strip because I’m overwhelmed by the sheer volume of bad fashion.  Also, I’m un-phased by the families who should be spending money on getting their teeth fixed instead of putting it in a slot machine.  I adore the plastic surgery gone wrong crowd.  Especially, if they are wearing a Miley Cyrus outfit and pulling an oxygen tank.  But, there were two things I could not get over on this trip.  First, is the amount of totally inappropriate awful club drag worn on the street in the middle of the day and how over accessorized people were.  There was more bad jewelry, sequins, and cheap shiny shit than I’ve ever seen in one place.  And, I like my dresses as short and tight as the next person, but when it’s simply four sizes too small or ‘you should not have your size 16 ass in that outfit to begin with’, well that’s just criminal. 

The other thing that seemed more noticeable this time than any previous trip was the amount of fake tits. Please do not misunderstand.  I have no problem with plastic surgery or fake tits.  I am a big fan of both.  In fact, I’ve always said I hoped to have enough cash saved by this point in my life to sign in at the clinic and walk out a few days later looking like someone else.  I don’t have the cash and the good thing is that I don’t really need a full redo at this point.  I’m holding up pretty well.  However, I do have a list of things I’d like to have done, if the opportunity ever presents itself. 

One morning in Vegas while waiting to meet a client I noticed a particular women walking past me.  I was so shocked I almost fell over.  I’d say she was probably in her 70’s, Charo hair, black tight lace dress - way to short, four inch black patent mules, about forty necklaces and chains, bracelets stacked up both arms, chandelier earrings, lots of makeup, some really bad face work and lots of it, and skin sagging everywhere.  But, her tits were standing proud!

One day we ventured down to check out the Cosmopolitan.  No where more does fake tits and plastic fantastic over accessorized Vegas meet than at the Cosmopolitan.  It reminded me of that Charo look alike.  She probably looked OK at one point, say about 45 years ago.  But, boy…she was not holding up well.  Not to mention the rule of taking off one accessory before you leave the house. 

Working in Retail design, I pay close attention to this kind of thing.  Also, I realize that Vegas is all about being over the top and that each new project tries to out do the last.  But, to the Cosmopolitan I say…Fuck you!  They used every trick in the book.  All of them.  Individual some were OK, some not so good.  But, all together, I don’t know.  Just like the 70 year old lady, each thing individually was probably OK at some point, but the sum of its parts was an assault. 

I’m sure I’ll be in Vegas next year for the same function.  I’ll stay at the Cosmopolitan.  Why not.  Besides, I can get my tacky on without bringing it home with me.  It will be interesting to see how it’s holding up.


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