The Courtyard

I haven’t decided what direction the back covered porch is going to take.  I discussed that dilemma in a post a few days ago.  Regardless of whether it becomes an intimate dining area or a place to lounge I cannot avoid the real gorilla in the room – or in this case the gorilla in the courtyard.  These photos are of the area around the pool.  We call it The Courtyard.  You can just call it a barren landscape. 

The renovation on the house was supposed to take one year and we had a set budget.  Of course, it took over two years and the budget more than doubled, successfully bleeding us dry!  Due to the position of the new addition, the contractor used The Courtyard as his debris dumping ground.  By the end of the project every last living thing was smashed to death and we were left with a giant Georgia red clay mud hole.  Also, we had to have some major landscaping done on the side of the house, just to get to the new back door.  So, considering that I was still hemorrhaging money from every orifice and was raw from having my bank account brutally raped, having more major landscaping done around the pool was (and still is) out of the question. 

I managed to get the dumpsters of trash hauled off, had the area graded and added a layer of sand and then several inches of pea gravel and that’s how it remains today.  Long term I want to have some type of shade structure built.  It’s too damn hot to hang out there now unless you plan on cooking yourself like a roasted chicken.  I also would like to knock open some of that fence, put in some type of wow gate and be able to open the entire space up to the acres of fields which stretch out beyond the house.  Hell, for that matter I’d like to move the pool and add a southern Greek temple pool house.  But, that isn’t going to happen any time soon!  So until then, typically of how we generally proceed, we’ll take it in smaller stages hopefully working towards an ultimate result.  This time I’m trying to at least have a plan before I rush out and do anything.  I don’t want to fork out the cash for a 12 foot dining table, and then in a year realize I really needed outdoor seating.  

Ideas please.

Here are a few photos of some interesting ways to fill large flat spaces. Inspiration.

The Wine Goddess

When I went to Vegas last week I drug C with me, which didn’t take a lot of convincing.  Show him a roulette wheel and give him a drink and he’s good to go for hours.  I never had to hunt for him long on my return from meetings.  I could head straight for the wheels and there he was.  And thank God he limits his losses to $200 a day.  Which actually is pretty good. He can stretch $200 into a 24-hour entertainment extravaganza with little effort.  In fact, I believe he ended up winning on this trip, which covered my losses. 

C also grew up in Vegas as an Air Force brat.  In fact, he has fond memories of wearing a George Washington outfit carrying the America flag down Las Vegas Blvd during the Something Or Other parade.  He was eight.  Thank God.  If he had told me that happened when he was, say 18 or 20 I would have to leave him!  His not so fond memory is that his parents promised when he was old enough they would take him to see Nancy Sinatra.  However, her career died and C’s family moved long before he become old enough to attend a Vegas show.  He still has not gotten over it!

It had been several years since C tagged along on my annual retail convention pilgrimage to Vegas.  One of the times happened to coincide with a milestone birthday.  Both of us are the same age and have birthdays in March.  Of course he’s 23 days older, which might as well be a century in my mind and he’s a Pisces (lot of work!) to my Aries (so cool!), so the water vs. fire thing makes for interesting times. 

On the previous trip we had made reservations at some stuffy restaurant to celebrate our birthday.  We started the evening where else, but the Roulette wheel.  We were winning; the hookers waitresses were handing out drinks on a regular basis.  We completely blew off the reservation.  Hours later, shit faced, over served tipsy, pockets full of chips and starving someone suggested the Bacchus Room for a late dinner.  It’s no longer there, fortunately.  It was one of those Vegas themed venues.  Following the lead from the God after which it was named, the concept was about gluttony of food and drinks, also OK by me.  It was the last night of operation before it permanently shut down.  So counting the two of us there were only 3 other tables in this huge amphitheater restaurant. 

There was a table full of lesbians, 4 Japanese Business men and a couple from Minnesota.  The meal was some prix fixe number consisting of about a dozen courses. During dinner, Cleopatra and Caesar show up to bestow on us their blessings.  But, by far the highlight for us was the Wine Goddess.  Dressed in a lime green chiffon gown and hair whipped up and adorned with jewels, straight from a 60’s ‘B’ movie, her job was to work the room and provide liquid refreshment.  But, considering the Lesbians must have recently completed a 12 step program and the Japanese Business men were deep in conversation and demonstrated no interest in the Wine Goddess, she spent ninety percent of her time at our table.  Occasionally she floated over to the Minnesotans, filled their goblets, and quickly returned to our table to give us the next installment of her life story.  I took a sip, the Goddess poured. 

Three hours later, and somewhere around the seventh course I started to pass out.  Rather than waking up face down in the cheese course, surrounded by a construction crew demoing the Bacchus Room, I bid farewell to the Wine Goddess, suggested C pay the bill and tried to find my room. 

The next morning I awoke and stumbled into the bathroom looking for something to relieve the pain.  On my return to the bed, I noticed a large folder adorned with the Caesar’s Palace logo lying next to C’s wallet and his reduced stack of chips.  I opened it and almost passed out - again.  I had totally forgotten that at some point during the evening a photographer appeared.  His job was to capture your celebratory evening and then sell his 8x10 color glossy to you for an overpriced sum.  After much protesting, I guess we consented to be photographed.  And at the exacted moment the shutter snapped, C leaned over and stuck his tongue all the way down my throat!

I have no intentions of ever showing the photo to anyone, much less putting it on a blog.  I don’t know why, unless you really know us, you can’t tell who it is. But, public displays of affection just creep me out, so telling this story is hard enough for me.  

Being cheap, I booked a basic room at Caesars for this trip.  Deciding to stay there was a nod to old Vegas, we weren’t trying to repeat the past.  We’re older. More grown up.  More sensible – maybe. 

My plan was to slip the front desk person a $20 and ask for a free comp upgrade, being the Vegas big shot I am.  And you know what.  It worked.  We didn’t get the penthouse where Celine Dion stays, which was fine with me because I can’t stand that bitch.  But, we did get an upgraded room.  It must be the one where Nancy Sinatra stays when she’s in town.  I found long blond synthetic hair in the shower! So, I’m still trying to convince C he may have missed seeing Nancy Sinatra as a kid, but I’m sure he slept in her bed. 

The Dining Porch

I have another project I’m about to start.  I know, I know.  I haven’t finished the last one yet, but I’ve been out of town a lot, and we’ve had a lot of rain, and I had to finish watching season one of the Tudors. But, I’ll get the Garden Shed done at some point.  Besides, I worked on the Garden Shed for 3 full days.  That was a record and it’s coming along nicely… slowly, but there is progress.  I WILL finish that shed – someday.

In the meantime, it’s Spring so my thoughts start moving off the sofa and outside.  We have a nice little covered porch off the back of the kitchen.  On the architect’s plans for the house, he noted it as the ‘Dining Porch’.  Considering I don’t use my dining room (because I have to eat in front of the television since it takes a long time to watch a full season of The Tudors), I not sure I’d ever use the porch for outdoor dining. 

Currently, it’s empty for the most part.  I have two modern black chairs out there now.  They’re only used by our two brain damaged cats, who spend their entire existence perched on the back of those chairs staring into the kitchen door.  Even though it’s covered, the porch still gets full morning sun with no shade until after noon, so it’s too hot to step foot out there until the evenings. 

I’m debating (with myself of course – and that’s a struggle) on whether I make it more of an outdoor living room or a dining area. 

I love the fourth photo, and if I had that table and chairs, there would be no question.  But, I’m afraid as a dining area, I’d not use it enough.  Unless…I installed an outdoor TV so I could watch season two of The Tudors. Now that’s a thought!

But, if I turned it into a living room and particularly with a ‘lounge’ feel to it, I could pile up there on the weekend mornings with coffee and write my blog postings and watch season three of The Tudors. 

I’m looking for suggestions.

These first 3 photos are of my infamous porch. 
Don't get concerned about that gray cabinet.
It's making it's way out of there!

Perfection!

Outdoor drapes are a must have!

Lounge or dine?
And surprise...a big mirror!

I need to incorporate plants - in mass!

Casual?

I have a lot of white already, but it works!

I like the matching pots on the steps  (bigger would be bigger)
and the potted trees.

Plastic Fantastic

I just got back from a business trip to Las Vegas.  Yes, I know those words; business and Vegas don’t always go together.  But, it really was a business trip. 

I’m not one of those people who regularly go to Vegas (which I do about once a year – on business) and bitch about how awful it is.  I actually like Vegas.  I mean really, where else can you go and gamble and walk the streets with a cocktail, other than New Orleans, another one of my favorites.  (Which reminds me I need to plan a trip there, it’s been far too long!)

Plus, Vegas has lots of hookers.  Not that I’m the least bit interested in hookers, but you have to admit, throwing a couple of hookers into any situation always adds to the excitement – usually.

I had wanted to stay at the new Cosmopolitan Hotel and Casino, but it was too expensive so we splurged just a little and settled for Caesars.  

I know that this post and especially the Cosmopolitan are nowhere close to the concept and point of view of this blog, so bear with me.  I have to rant about design for a minute.

I take Vegas for what it is – over the top tacky.  Sometimes it’s difficult for me to focus on the insane amount of plastic fantastic which makes up the city and especially The Strip because I’m overwhelmed by the sheer volume of bad fashion.  Also, I’m un-phased by the families who should be spending money on getting their teeth fixed instead of putting it in a slot machine.  I adore the plastic surgery gone wrong crowd.  Especially, if they are wearing a Miley Cyrus outfit and pulling an oxygen tank.  But, there were two things I could not get over on this trip.  First, is the amount of totally inappropriate awful club drag worn on the street in the middle of the day and how over accessorized people were.  There was more bad jewelry, sequins, and cheap shiny shit than I’ve ever seen in one place.  And, I like my dresses as short and tight as the next person, but when it’s simply four sizes too small or ‘you should not have your size 16 ass in that outfit to begin with’, well that’s just criminal. 

The other thing that seemed more noticeable this time than any previous trip was the amount of fake tits. Please do not misunderstand.  I have no problem with plastic surgery or fake tits.  I am a big fan of both.  In fact, I’ve always said I hoped to have enough cash saved by this point in my life to sign in at the clinic and walk out a few days later looking like someone else.  I don’t have the cash and the good thing is that I don’t really need a full redo at this point.  I’m holding up pretty well.  However, I do have a list of things I’d like to have done, if the opportunity ever presents itself. 

One morning in Vegas while waiting to meet a client I noticed a particular women walking past me.  I was so shocked I almost fell over.  I’d say she was probably in her 70’s, Charo hair, black tight lace dress - way to short, four inch black patent mules, about forty necklaces and chains, bracelets stacked up both arms, chandelier earrings, lots of makeup, some really bad face work and lots of it, and skin sagging everywhere.  But, her tits were standing proud!

One day we ventured down to check out the Cosmopolitan.  No where more does fake tits and plastic fantastic over accessorized Vegas meet than at the Cosmopolitan.  It reminded me of that Charo look alike.  She probably looked OK at one point, say about 45 years ago.  But, boy…she was not holding up well.  Not to mention the rule of taking off one accessory before you leave the house. 

Working in Retail design, I pay close attention to this kind of thing.  Also, I realize that Vegas is all about being over the top and that each new project tries to out do the last.  But, to the Cosmopolitan I say…Fuck you!  They used every trick in the book.  All of them.  Individual some were OK, some not so good.  But, all together, I don’t know.  Just like the 70 year old lady, each thing individually was probably OK at some point, but the sum of its parts was an assault. 

I’m sure I’ll be in Vegas next year for the same function.  I’ll stay at the Cosmopolitan.  Why not.  Besides, I can get my tacky on without bringing it home with me.  It will be interesting to see how it’s holding up.

                 

Major Reflection

I like big mirrors. The bigger the better, and if it has a huge gilt frame that’s makes it even better!  This first photo is of my dining room, so you can see that I’m serious about this subject.    Once when C’s father was here he asked why we had so many mirrors in the house.  C told him it was my idea and that I just liked them.  Also, he probably said something to the effect that mirrors reflect light and make rooms appear larger. I know he really wanted to say that I just like to look at myself, but he was nice enough to not go there with Dad.  Really the truth is big mirrors create impact (and I like to look at myself).



photo credit Carlos Mota

photo credit Jonny Valiant

photo credit Jonny Valiant

unknown

photo credit Mick Hales

photo credit Oberto Gili

photo credit Roger Davies

photo credit Simon Upton

photo credit Simon Upton

photo credit Simon Upton

photo credit Simon Upton

The World of Interiors Archives

photo credit William Waldron

An Expressive Transient Encounter

Last weekend I ran across these images while rummaging through a drawer of old photos.  I was looking for some house pics to do a couple of before & after postings for the blog.  I had totally forgotten about these pictures which I took several years ago one July evening. 

Most of our property is picturesque fields or meadows, but behind the guesthouse is a 7 acre tract that’s completely wooded. 

One of our best friends, J who is from Georgia, but lives in Los Angeles frequents here often to visit his family.  He doesn’t like them very much so by the second day he’s usually made his way to my house and spends the reminder of his trip here on the farm.  In a way he is my decorator muse and creative inspiration; a person of great taste and big vision, a 21^st century Oscar Wilde in Prada, he’s also VERY verbally and spiritually L.A. 

Every time J visits he has a different lifestyle message to deliver; always focused on how he thinks I should live my life.  I don’t always agree and take the advice – at first, but looking back he’s usually right. Although, I’m still not bought into his advice that I should move my pool!

On this particular visit he arrived with several coffee table books featuring the work of Andy Goldworthy.  Goldworthy is an artist who specializes in exquisite organic art installations, most of which are temporary in nature.  This visit’s message was all about how we should create some ‘unexpected moments’ through out the property to enlighten and surprise ones self as he or she strolls around the farm.  I looked at him and agreed, “Great idea. Now let’s go to lunch.”

On our way home, C had to stop by a home improvement store to pick up something to fix whatever had broken around here that week.  It was something simple; he needed a faucet washer or air filter, nothing big.  While he and J searched for whatever it was we had stopped for, I excused myself and wondered over to the garden center to browse. 

After about 20 minutes and no sign of C & J, I went back into the store to retrieve them and get on with the day, at home!  When I could not find them in the construction section, which was the reason we were there in the first place, I started searching aisle by aisle.  I was looking for two guys wearing shorts carrying an air filter, so I almost missed them and had to do a double take when I spied them at the end of the electrical aisle.  They had one shopping cart and a large rolling flat.  The flat was piled high with orange construction lights.  They had some of every variety the store offered.  Hand held versions, ones with hooks, double units on tripods, you name it, and if Home Depot carried it they had loaded several of each on their buggy.  Currently, they were filling their shopping cart with heavy duty outdoor extension cords. 

“Those don’t look like air filters to me.”  I said. 

“We’re going to do a light installation in the woods tonight.”  J looked at me and explained, “Like Andy Goldsworthy!”  He then turned back to C and they continued their calculations of how many extension cords and junction boxes they would need to get power from the guest house to the a large stand of oak trees in the center of the woods. 

A few minutes later I leaned against the check out counter as I watched a large woman with a tight blond perm wearing an orange apron scan their items.  Her name tag identified her as Phyllis. 

“You’re total is $468.37,” said Phyllis.  She was about to explode, in fact you could just see that she was trying to find the right words to formulate a question about what we planned to do with twenty four orange utility lights, six hundred foot of extension cord and one air filter.

Before she could even ask, J looked her directly in the eyes and contrarily said, “We’re creating an expressive transient encounter that demonstrates the irregular disparity between nature’s organic design and the austere utilitarianism of the human intervention by focusing energy on individual objects while using the unlighted nocturnal surround to envelop those illuminated entities into one singular conceptual moment.”

Phyllis just stared back.

I wanted to speak up and interject, “We’re going to drink some tequila and hang a bunch of these lights in trees.”  But instead I just leaned against the counter and smiled. 

J could not get home fast enough.  We spent the afternoon placing every light to best illuminate each ‘individual object’ tree properly.  Some were placed at the base of trees while other were hung forty feet up thanks to the help of my extension ladder J had hauled from the garage.  The orange extension cords were run throughout the woods and he covered many of them by kicking leaves over them to hide their ‘austere utilitarianism’. 

Just to make sure it was good and dark, we waited until around 9:30 that evening to venture back outside.  With a pitcher of margaritas in hand we made our way to the center of the woods and the grove of oak trees where much of the wattage had been positioned.  J and I stood in the woods, cocktail in hand while C walked down to the guest house to plug in the main power cord. 

“Tell me when,” C yelled back to us.

“OK. Now.”  J responded.

All at once the woods light up like Times Square.  C jogged into the woods to join us and we raised our glasses in a victory toast. 

Then everything went black; not just our ‘expressive transient encounter’ area, but also the guest house, the garage next to the guest house, the main house on the other side of the pasture and probably anyone who lived within a five mile radius. 

While I played margaritas cocktail waitress between our base camp in the woods and the guesthouse, C and J reworked their project.  They repositioned, unplugged and re-plugged lights for an hour, but blew the power every time.  Finally after realizing they would have to either build a nuclear power plant or settle for a smaller lighting installation, they succumb to using only about half the lights they had purchased and managed to light the woods without blowing the power. 

We stood around in the woods and discussed how we should plan to do it again sometime for a party or even a catered dinner.  White lanterns could be hung from the trees, we would just need to figure out how to pipe music out this far.  After about thirty minutes we went back inside the house to watch Saturday Night Live.  After all, how long can you stand in the middle of the woods and stare at trees?  But I do have to say, it really was magical!

 

Oh, also…if anyone needs to borrow any utility lights or outdoor extension cords, just let me know.  I have plenty.