Martha VS Rachel VS Cher

I don’t want to do this, but I am not sure I have much of a choice.  I have to trash another TV food chef.  A couple of weeks ago I lit into Sandra Lee, but only because I learned she was about to release her tablescape taste on the state of New York.  Now we need to have a little discussion about Rachel Ray.  Of course I have a hard time with her too, but that should appear obvious to you.  I question her taste, albeit she’s hands above Sandra.  They clearly drive pretty much in the same lane. 

C recently forwarded me one of Rachel’s published recipes he ran across.  It’s called ‘Late Night Bacon’. 

Ingredients:

8 slices of bacon

Directions:

Place 2 sheets of paper towel on a microwave safe plate.  Lay the bacon out on the paper towel not overlapping the slices. Place 2 more sheets of paper towel on top. Place in the microwave on high for 4 to 6 minutes.

Photo credit: FilmMagic/Getty

Now really.  This is actually on the Food Network site! What moron doesn’t know how to microwave bacon!  It really doesn’t surprise me.  I mean it’s a recipe from the women who also taught us how to prepare a Tater Tot Casserole.  She refers to anything situated between two slices of bread as a ‘Sammie’ or a thick soup as a ‘Stewp’.  I’m assuming that’s the way she spells those two new food categories, but I’m not going to take the time to fact check. 

Are we to assume that Rachel was not aware that preparing bacon in a microwave is rather common, not to mention easy?  Maybe she stumbled across this revelation, by inadvertently misplacing a few slices in her microwave and accidentally hitting the power button.  "WOW, I need to share this with my audience," she thought.

I realize in my house the food experience takes on a higher priority than in most people’s homes, so I understand that C and I are not Rachel's target audience. 

Normally I may have left this one alone.  But, just as coincidences go (and we all know that there are no coincidences), the next day I noticed in December’s Vanity Fair a feature page interview with Rachel.  The headline is ‘All in Good Taste’ and they refer to her as ‘the next Martha’.  Did anyone ask Martha Stewart about that?  Last time I checked she was still out there ruling the world as usual.

I didn't see the episode in which Rachel shared this nugget of culinary knowledge, but according to the Food Network site it was titled 'Late Night'.  Maybe she was drunk or high. Or maybe she just casually mentioned the microwave bacon idea on that episode but did not make a big deal of it.  Perhaps an over zealous staffer published the recipe.  Even if that's the case, it just proves my point that she will not be the next Martha Stewart.  Something like that would not have slipped past Martha.  I worked with her organization when I was in New York and trust me nothing slipped past those people.  If it did, they knew what could happen.  Martha was very aware if not actually involved in every detail. 

courtesy Rachel Ray, Anders Krushberg MSLO

Vanity Fair is a magazine that I generally admire, but I’m just not sure about this issue.  I bought it at an airport newsstand the other day because Cher was on the cover.  You’ve probably seen it.  The headline reads, ‘Cher is back’.  What are they talking about?  She never went anywhere.  The women’s had a dozen farewell tours.  I know exactly where she's been.  She's in Vegas being paid $180 million for a 3 year show.  Her picture is on a billboard in front of Caesar’s.  It’s the size of the Chrysler building. 

Photo credit: Norman Jean Roy

Photo Credit:  Gasper Tringale

One of my favorite quotes is ‘after a nuclear war the world would still have cock roaches and Cher’.  Not that I put Cher in the category with a nasty bug, but you get my point. Not only has she not gone anywhere, I doubt she ever will – at least I hope not!

So, I think Vanity Fair has lost their collective minds.  Rachel Ray is not going to be the next Martha Stewart.  Cher has better chance of being the next Martha Stewart and she’s not even trying.  But, then again she doesn’t have too!

Photo credit: Norman Jean Roy