HGTV Green Home

I’ve been so busy lately not only have I fallen behind on my blog postings (which you probably have noticed) but I also had no idea that the HGTV Green Home give-away-thing-2012 is actually a home near where we live. The house is located in Serenbe in the Chattahoochee Hills area south of Atlanta. I like Serenbe. In fact, I know a few people who live there and I am pretty familiar with the area. Google it if you’re interested. It’s an interesting concept town based on community and agriculture…with a big emphasis on aesthetics. But, this post isn’t about Serenbe, it’s about styling.

I watched the show last night. 

OK…here’s the deal. I like the actual house…for the most part. Of course I would - its modern farm house based on southern vernacular. 

But here's my issue…and I know HGTV is a ‘decorating’ network so they have to do what they do…but please…I couldn’t see the house for all the shit inside. Talk about over styled, over decorated and over accessorized!  These photos are from the actual HGTV site and they appear slightly cleaned up from what aired on the network.  But there's still too much going on here.

Now, of course I’m going to enter the sweepstakes and totally plan on winning. And, as soon as I do I will have a yard sale…which is probably against the Serenbe rules, but what the hell. Half of that mess has to go. Why does southern inspired architecture have to be decorated with lamps made of plows, tables made of old barn doors and the like. I assume television shows need a theme and I know it's the 'green' home.

It's actually a very sophisticated house and would really be nice done in beautiful muted neutral tones and tailored furniture.  A little darker, more sexy and less gimmicks.  Think Bobby McAlpine meets modern.

Below is the room the show referred to as a relaxing hide-away. 
And, I have a hard time relaxing in burnt orange rooms. 

Am I mistaken but isn’t a noose type rope which hangs from a loft a bit odd and creepy in a kid's room!  That's just wrong on so many levels!

This is the master bedroom.  I hate everything about it.  And like the rest of the house there's far too much furniture.

If you win (I mean when I win) included in the package is this SUV.  It's ugly so I'd sell it too.  But, not before I use it to haul off all the shit.

HGTV call this the Georgia Room.  Its connected to the house and on two sides opens to the outdoor decks.  In fact several of the rooms open to the exterior.  Which is great, but for those of us who actual live here if you open those doors between June and September you'll be mauled by mosquitoes and other flying teeth.

And, where's the pool?  I'm glad there's plenty of accessories and decor I can sell at my yard sale...that will help fund my pool.

And to make matters worse, Jamie Durie hosted the show with some blond, but I don't know who she was.  In my book Jamie is right up there with Daniel Craig and I can't believe he was so close and I didn’t know it…so close yet so far.

I can't help myself...

Can you identify the biggest Ass?

I was up late watching election returns last night. 

And, yes I know I watch too much MSNBC!

Black & White

So what is black, white and red all over?  No its not a newspaper its this post!  OK...old bad joke.  But, Black as an accent is no joke.  Like Leopard, I consider Black a neutral.  I've got some great black wing backs and once I even recovered an empire sofa in black leather.  And to this day I still miss my black and white tile floor in our first house.  Here's some tastiness...

Out Of Focus

Last week I was in NYC on business.  Utilizing little to no imagination, I'd planned to take advantage of New York decorated for the holidays and snap photos for a my first holiday post providing you with crisp clear holiday beauty and inspiration. 

Instead this happened...

 

It poured rain for days ... I mean Louisiana swamp hurricane rain.  I loved living in NYC but don't miss the city when its soaked and packed with tourist and their umbrellas.   So let's just say that my photography skills were not at their best.

I went out of my way to stop by Saks to see this year's light projection installation and get photos for the blog, but after being beat senseless by the rain and the crowds this was the best I could do. Besides it looked better in the video.

C went with me.  While I was in meetings he saw the Elizabeth Taylor Collection at Christie's. He offered to wait and go when I was free.

I decided not to go because I thought it would be like this...

but he said it was this...

beautiful...

and this amazing...

I wish I'd gone!

One night we went to an event gala for a charity I'm involved with at Cipriani Wall Street...

which is one of the most amazing spaces ever...

The DJ was Lady Bunny...for those of you not in the know she's drag queen royalty....

(drag queen royalty...hmmm...rather redundant...)

 After some champagne and a taste of wine I snapped about 40 pics of Lady Bunny....

...and finally got one in focus...
(she had to pose for me about 30 times....)

Then after more champagne and chocolate Martinis, Missy Bunny and I ran into to each on the way out.  At this point I considered her a best friend and asked for a photo with her.  Being the lovely Diva she is, she consented.  Unfortunely, C was not sure how to use my IPhone so what we got was 2 1/2 minutes on three separate videos that I can't fiqure out how to get from my phone to the blog...besides..although funny as hell - we were both out of focus wet hot messes at that point...

We left the next day and I had forgotten to arrange for a car to the airport. As we left the hotel the world's biggest stretch limo stopped at the curb and the driver jumped out and asked if we were going to Laguardia.  I don't generally accept off duty limo rides but this guy seemed OK and his price was about the same as a taxi so off we went...

I don't like drivers who want to talk to me and this guy wanted to chat.  Thank God C was there so the two of them carried on a conversation while I watched my Lady Bunny videos and peed in my pants laughing. The driver was telling C about the many celebrities he had driven, which I ignored until I heard him mention the 'Beverly Hillbillies Housewives'.  Honestly he referred to them this way and didn't even realize what he had actually said.

Then I became interested.  Not because I like the BHW's - I honestly hate those bitches and every thing to do with them and all the other houswives sluts. The Houseswhore series is a big deal in our house.  Sometimes I think it could be the thing that breaks up a really successful LTR because we disagree on it's social value.  C thinks it's mindless silly entertainment not to be taken seriously and to be enjoyed for what it is - trashy TV.  AND I think its the biggest piece of SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT ever created by mankind and is most probably the ruin of modern civilization.

So anyway...back to the limo...this is a photo of how I imagine the housewhores looked after our driver hauled their asses around NYC for a week...

I think that's Lisa Vanderheel on the right, but I can't be sure...

Our driver said we could see him and his car in the episodes when the whores were scanking around NYC, especially when he carried the Grammars to a gala event. 

In fact C was seated where Kelsey was and my ass was parked were Camille and her big red dress perched. Most people would have thought about looking around to see if there had been a fake nail or blond hair extensation discarded on the floor...but instead I just wanted to go wash my butt. 

I find Lady Bunny or the late great Liz Taylor far more interesting...

Next time I'll try to stay in focus...

Faked Out

OK...so this is a fashion post, but I couldn't help myself.  I like W.  I always have.  Yesterday while piled on the sofa sipping coffee and flipping through the latest issue I noticed this ad - for obvious reasons!  And, I must say I studied it for quite awhile.  However, I paid no attention to the name of the product being adverstised - again for obvious reasons!

Several other ads caught my attention.  Joan Rivers doing a knock-off  'what becomes a legend' ad? All I focused on was her face.  "Jesus, she's been airbrushed to death," I thought.

Also, This one caused me to pause for a moment.  Not because of the model's state of undress, but because I knew she was a drag queen from RuPaul's show.  Still, I didn't paid attention to the product or question her as the model, I just thought..."Good for her. She got a job.  But, boy did she tuck her junk.  That has to hurt!" 

W can be alittle out there so I didn't think anything about it.  And again, what I find most interesting, especially considering my retail and marketing background was that I paid NO attention to the actual product the ads were representing.  Come to find out they are all fake!   W placed nine fake advertisements, each shot by the Steven Meisel in the issue. See them all HERE